Azzad Mahdzir • 16 May 2024
At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.
The first time I heard about Nonviolent Communication (NVC) was from teacher Illya Sumanto, through our EFY associate from Ireland, Sinéad Madden.
When Illya suggested I learn more about it, I thought, “Do I need this? I don’t curse at people and I’m not harsh with my words.”
Little did I know, this wasn’t just a communication method. It was a conscious language that would transform my view of the world, myself, and even my sense of the divine.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC), developed by Marshall Rosenberg, offers a powerful and clear framework for fostering self-awareness, a critical component of Social and Emotional Learning (SEL).
At its core, NVC emphasises empathetic listening and honest expression, facilitating a deeper understanding of oneself and others. This approach directly supports the SEL competencies of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision-making.
NVC teaches individuals to distinguish between observations and evaluations. By focusing on factual, objective observations rather than subjective judgments, individuals can gain clarity about their experiences. This practice helps in developing a non-biased awareness of one’s own emotions and reactions.
One of the key steps in NVC is identifying and naming feelings. Rosenberg’s framework encourages individuals to move beyond vague or misleading expressions of feelings (e.g., “I feel like you don’t care”) and instead articulate specific emotions (e.g., “I feel sad”). This precise identification helps in understanding the true nature of one’s emotional state.
NVC posits that all feelings stem from unmet or met needs. By connecting feelings to underlying needs, individuals can achieve greater self-awareness and self-compassion. This step is crucial in SEL, as it helps individuals understand the root causes of their emotions, leading to better emotional regulation and self-management.
The final step in NVC involves making clear, actionable requests to meet one’s needs. This practice not only fosters effective communication but also empowers individuals to take proactive steps in addressing their emotional and social needs. It aligns with SEL’s goal of promoting responsible decision-making and problem-solving skills.
All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.
Through NVC, individuals learn to observe their thoughts and feelings without judgment, recognise their emotions accurately, and understand the needs driving these emotions. This heightened self-awareness is foundational for all other SEL competencies.
NVC equips individuals with the tools to manage their emotions constructively. By understanding the connection between feelings and needs, individuals can develop strategies to meet their needs in healthy ways, leading to better emotional regulation, and in essence, better mental health quality.
NVC’s emphasis on empathetic listening enhances social awareness. Individuals become more attuned to the feelings and needs of others, fostering empathy and understanding, which are essential for healthy social interactions.
Effective communication is at the heart of strong relationships. NVC teaches individuals to express their needs and feelings honestly and to listen empathetically, which strengthens interpersonal connections and collaboration.
By encouraging reflection on needs and feelings before making requests or decisions, NVC supports responsible and ethical decision-making. Individuals learn to consider the impact of their actions on themselves and others, aligning with SEL’s emphasis on ethical behavior and accountability.
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg offers a potent and structured approach to developing self-awareness, a cornerstone of Social and Emotional Learning. By teaching individuals to observe without judgment, identify feelings, recognize needs, and make compassionate requests, NVC enhances all five SEL competencies. Its practical, empathetic framework empowers individuals to understand and manage their emotions, build strong relationships, and make responsible decisions, ultimately fostering a more empathetic and emotionally intelligent society.
As a Malaysian entity, EFY Academy have served diverse language groups throughout the country. Naturally, we have arrived at the waters where we start dipping our toes translating the framework of Observation, Feelings, Needs and Requests into our Malay language workshop named Bahasa Hati.
We hope that our localised offering of NVC translates beyond ‘style of communication’. As it is a ‘conscious language’ that has the potential to transform the views of the world, from the personal to the spiritual.
Azzad Mahdzir is the co-founder of Empathy For Youth Academy and currently on his pathway for Nonviolent Communication trainer accreditation.
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